Health Conditions / Mental Health / Anxiety Disorders

We casually reference our nervous systems all the time—it’s highly likely that, at some point, you’ve used expressions like, “My nerves are shot,” or, “That’s getting on my nerves.” Even these little figures of speech can reflect how, in frustrating situations, you might be tempted to blame your nerves for acting up—or stress out about how to calm them down. But your sympathetic nervous system itself, which is the part of your overall autonomic nervous system that’s responsible for reacting to stress or perceived danger, isn’t actually always at fault when you feel on edge! In fact, your sympathetic nervous system shouldn’t kick into high gear over every little annoying thing.1 Really, it should only be sending warning signals to your body if a significant threat to your well-being is present—for instance, if you’re hiking and you encounter a bear, Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a psychologist at NYU Langone, tells SELF.Sometimes, your body does misinterpret uncomfortable situations—like an intense work meeting, a confrontation with a friend, or even something that makes you feel put on the spot or self-conscious like public speaking—as actual physical threats. This can trigger the sympathetic nervous system and send your body into fight-or-flight mode. “Dysregulation of the nervous system happens when you’re in fight-or-flight response” more often than you should be, Susan Albers-Bowling, PsyD, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, tells SELF. This dysregulation can occur when your body doesn’t respond to stress appropriately, and it can take a major toll: Research suggests chronic stress can cause depression, anxiety, heart disease, and even cognitive impairment.2When your sympathetic nervous system is active, it causes symptoms that range from a little irritating to more serious, per the Cleveland Clinic. They can include rapid heart rate and breathing; dilated pupils; trembling; increased blood pressure; and even changes to skin tone, as blood flow to the surface of the body is decreased (so that blood flow to muscles, legs, arms, and the brain can be increased). “It can be really hard to live our lives when our nervous system is [frequently] activated,” Dr. Gallagher says. “[People sometimes think] it’s all in your head. But it’s not in your head, it’s in your body.”No matter what kicks your nervous system into overdrive—whether that’s going on a first date for the first time in years, scheduling important screenings like mammograms, or walking into a job interview—you can familiarize yourself with how to calm down and reassure your body that it’s not really under attack in certain intense situations—especially if you know what typically stresses you out. Below, experts explain techniques for how to calm your nerves that may improve your mental health.1. Do four rounds of the 4-7-8 deep breathing technique.Since fight-or-flight mode can cause quick, shallow breaths, try breathing exercises when you need to slow things down, Dr. Gallagher says.A good technique is the 4-7-8 method, Dr. Albers-Bowling says. To try this, find a place where you can sit with your back straight and place the tip of your tongue against the tissue behind your upper front teeth (it should stay here throughout the exercise). Then, exhale completely (through the mouth) to make a whoosh sound. Close your mouth and inhale through the nose for four counts, hold your breath for seven counts, then exhale completely through the mouth (making another whoosh sound) for eight counts. Do this at least four times to reset your breathing and help your body calm back down, Dr. Albers-Bowling recommends. (If you try the 4-7-8 technique and it isn’t for you, consider a different practice from our guide to popular deep breathing exercises.)2. Put on your favorite song—and sing along.The vagus nerve runs from your brain to your intestines and plays a pretty important role in regulating your body’s everyday functions: Among other things, it impacts your heart rate, digestion, speech, and mood.3

Some people with Crohn’s disease develop food-related anxieties, and because eating and pain often go hand in hand, they wind up restricting how much they eat or skipping meals to avoid getting sick.3 “These fears become problematic when people begin to have very restrictive diets, avoid meals for fear of symptoms, or constantly worry about how a food will potentially impact them,” Megan Riehl, PsyD, a psychologist specializing in gastroenterology and the clinical program director of the GI Behavioral Health Program at the University of Michigan, tells SELF. You can alleviate some of this stress by learning about how different ingredients impact your symptoms, reading food labels, and studying menus before going out to eat. These adjustments are often hard work and can be a lifelong process—which is why Dr. Riehl recommends working with a dietitian who specializes in GI conditions like Crohn’s. They can help you identify foods that can trigger symptoms and share meal ideas to make the whole meal-planning process feel a little less overwhelming. Coping with body image issuesCrohn’s—and the medications prescribed for it—can cause uncomfortable bloating, rapid weight loss, and acne, which, in turn, can affect your self-esteem and self-confidence, Dr. Sileo says. “When you’ve lost 20 pounds and you don’t resemble yourself, it can really take a toll on how you feel about yourself,” he says. It’s easy, given the uncertainty of Crohn’s, to hyperfocus on something you may feel like you can control, like your appearance, Dr. Keefer says. You might criticize your body for suddenly looking so different or avoid social plans because you think you don’t look “good.”4 “Those are mean things we do to ourselves as a way to bring back control” when facing a condition that’s frequently uncontrollable, she says. Try to reframe your POV when you look at yourself, Dr. Keefer recommends. For example, if you’re struggling with fatigue, instead of focusing on your eyes being bloodshot or puffy, take note of the shape and color of your eyes. Observing, not evaluating, your attributes, can drown out some of the harsher critiques you may tell yourself. “Just describe your body, don’t judge it,” Dr. Keefer says. Figuring out how Crohn’s fits into your relationships The symptoms of Crohn’s, like bowel incontinence, can cause people to feel unattractive or unhygienic, research shows,4 which may lead you to isolate or otherwise back away from close relationships. There’s also the added pressure of knowing whether you should keep some boundaries in place or be an open book about what it’s like to have Crohn’s.Dr. Keefer says she’s treated many people who felt as though their relationships crumbled because they didn’t share, for example, that their fatigue prevented them from being able to go out or that their body image struggles soured their mood on a date. It can be uncomfortable to coach your SO on how to vouch for you if you end up in the ER and need treatment, or what to do if your symptoms strike during a sleepover. It can be equally tricky to figure out when to disclose you have Crohn’s and how the disease impacts your daily life. And then there’s the whole topic of dating—some people with Crohn’s use medical devices like a colostomy bag or J-pouch—so explaining and educating your partners about how these tools affect romantic relationships can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable.

No matter how you approach video or voice notes, the goal is to have a free-flowing dialogue with yourself to make sense of your observations, emotions, and perceptions. Some people find it helpful to watch or listen back to their recordings. If you go that route, Dr. Peifer recommends asking yourself, What do you notice when you watch or hear yourself? You might just see yourself in a new light, she says. You could learn that you were being too hard on yourself for canceling plans, or that feeling stuck at work is a sign that you’re ready to make a career change. Make a mind map.Think of this kind of like a vision board. Mind maps—which are visual diagrams of words, images, and concepts—can help you become aware of different issues in your life and “get out whatever’s on your mind,” says Dr. Bilder. To make a mind map, you create a template—either digitally, on an app like Mindly or Concepts, or on a physical board where you can write and doodle about various ideas. You can create a central theme—your job, say—and branch out to sub-topics (projects, work trips, or colleagues) before branching out even further and diving into different emotions or issues you’re having. Think of it like a crime scene map, but for everything going on in your life. (Here’s a tutorial from the father of mind mapping, Tony Buzan).  Mind maps activate both the visual and logical areas of the brain, which can help you organize your thoughts. The combination of words and symbols can also activate your imagination, thereby boosting creativity. Mind maps have been shown to encourage problem-solving and help people better retain information, too. “It helps you group things together and connect them in ways you might not have appreciated before,” Dr. Bilder says. If your mind map is all about your job, you might see that specific people or projects at work are stressing you out, or finally identify why you’re struggling with a particular assignment. Explore movement-based therapy.Dr. Peifer journals from time to time, but she says dancing does far more for her well-being. With journaling, she says, “I don’t get the same outcome as I do with dancing through whatever I’m feeling.” Like Dr. Peifer, some people process their thoughts and emotions best when they’re moving. (If you’ve ever come back from a run or walk with a genius work idea or a newfound sense of clarity about a certain relationship issue you’re struggling with, you get it.)Movement, in general, has been shown to improve overall physical and mental health. Research suggests that specific movement-based therapies—where a teacher or therapist guides practitioners through their movement of choice, like dance or yoga—can help people work through issues nonverbally. Movement may be especially beneficial in helping people process feelings that are too difficult or frightening to talk or write about, like anger or regret. Movement-based practices give people a low-risk, safe space to express all kinds of emotions, says Dr. Peifer. Some people may prefer to intentionally reflect on specific issues in their life—like complicated relationships, unfulfilling jobs, ongoing grief, or trauma—as they’re moving, whereas others may process things subconsciously, in the background, she explains. And there’s no one right way to move through feelings, either. Go on a hike, practice yoga, dance your heart out—as long as you feel emotionally better when you’re done, you’re doing it right.Make art. Art can give people a canvas to learn about themselves and explore their emotions without constraints. As Dr. Bilder says: “It gives you a free form of expression that may reveal things you wouldn’t have thought of.” If you aren’t vibing with the other methods on this list, try creating something with your hands—paint, doodle, make graphic art, do clay work, draw in a coloring book, or play with sand. You don’t need an MFA to experiment with art; just enjoy whatever you’re doing. 

No matter how many times you hear someone say that New Year’s Eve is a totally arbitrary holiday, or that the concept of January as a “fresh start” is bogus, the end of the year can still feel, somehow, very significant. And there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that; structure  and routines can add meaning to our lives, and for some people, the turning of the calendar might feel comforting. But the start of a new year doesn’t bring glass-clinking feelings for everyone, and reflecting on the past 12 months might not be so enjoyable if you’ve had A Year. As much as some of us might like to, we can’t always leave all the bad things behind—like the soreness from a big breakup, or the lingering resentment for the boss who fired you—once the clock strikes midnight on December 31. And not to be an even bigger party pooper, but making a New Year’s resolution (to, say, not text your ex or to get a new job) can feel more like an overly critical mandate than a hopeful goal if you’re already feeling low. All of this is to say: For a lot of people, the end of year doesn’t bring glowy, reminiscent feelings, and may even stir up anxiety and dread. If that’s where you’re at, take heart: There are a few strategies that can help you reframe the new year, or, at the very least, make it easier to ignore.Make New Year’s Eve plans you’re genuinely looking forward to. How do you really want to enter the January? Is it standing in a crowded bar while balloons fall from the ceiling (read: standing in line at the bar, antsy as you wait for your $50 champagne flute)? Is it in a big group hug with friends and/or family at a house party in your neighborhood? Or is it in your PJs, in that sublime space between being awake and asleep, cozied up in your home? There are no wrong answers here, but try to be honest with yourself and then figure out your celebration accordingly: Are you planning an evening that aligns with what you actually want? Or are you doing what feels expected, even though you’d rather be home with friends or a loved one? “Don’t be afraid to deviate from the norm and do something different than you normally would,” Madison Wise, LPC, a therapist with Just Mind Counseling in Austin, tells SELF. “You can create new traditions at any point in time.” Setting your own traditions might mean saying no to what others want you to do; for example, maybe you prefer to skip that ticketed bar party this year in favor of staying home and ordering takeout with a partner. If that’s the case, Wise recommends having a light-but-honest conversation with your friends about how you’d like to usher the new year in. When you’re delivering the news, it can help to cater your approach to the person you’re talking to. Is this someone you can be truly vulnerable with, or will a simple, “honestly, I have too much going on right now to deal with finding an Uber at 12:30 a.m. so I’m going to sit this year out” suffice? Part of honoring your own boundaries means being aware of how other people will react to you, too. For example, if you share personal information with a friend who’s always dismissed your feelings, you might find they want to debate you about your proposed plans or your reasoning. Give yourself permission to be honest about what you want to do on the 31st without giving everyone the entire truth of your horrible 2022, if that’s what feels right to you.Say farewell to 2022 in whatever way feels good. Even if the bad things that happened in your life in 2022 will continue to affect you in 2023, you can still say goodbye to elements of them at the end of the month. For example, you might make a list of crummy things you had to endure in the past year that you will likely not have to repeat in the new one. If 2022, say, involved an unexpected, heart-throttling breakup, you may still be dealing with the ache, but the actual act of ending the relationship or finding a new apartment on your own is something you can leave behind. Or, if you got laid off from a company you really loved, you may still be settling into your new job, but updating your resume and interviewing is behind you. 

Outside the snow was falling and friends, relatives, neighbors, and people I had never seen before in my life were coming and going from my dad’s annual Christmas Eve open house. Inside, Megan Fox was biting a guy’s face off. ‘Twas the night before Christmas of 2014 and in the living room, It’s A Wonderful Life was playing on a loop (or maybe it’s just really, really long, I could never quite be sure). The two-and-a-half-foot-tall fake tree whose implicit tragedy my father seemed oblivious to was on display atop a TV tray. The clam chowder and lobster bisque of a nominally Italian Christmas Eve congealed on the kitchen counter. My bedroom, though, was a world apart. I was bundled under a comforter alongside my best friend and her two sisters, insulated from the festive ephemera. At least, I had been. Then Megan Fox turned into a demon and mauled a guy’s face, and my friend’s youngest sister shrieked loudly enough at the jumpscare to remind her parents, who were down the hall enjoying the open house, of our existence.We were still kicking her under the blanket when my friend’s mom appeared in the doorway to corral them all to the car. December 24th was also the final day of Hanukkah that year, which meant my only ally during my family’s annual open house would be gone earlier than usual, as her family left to light the menorah. My heart plummeted, but stopped short of hitting the ground when I remembered the movie paused behind me.I watched their tail lights ride out of sight, then let the curtain on my bedroom window fall shut. Down the hall, George Bailey lassoed the moon. In my room, an unpaused Megan Fox, starring in the seminal holiday classic Jennifer’s Body, lured her latest victim to an empty, unfinished home, and feasted on his heart. It wasn’t the first time I spent a holiday in the soft embrace of the macabre, and it wouldn’t be the last. The holiday season has long felt fraught to me. Here’s why I watch horror to get through the most wonderful time of the year, and how it helps me cope.It’s normal to be stressed out by the holidays.While some greet the holiday season with delight, research demonstrates that for many, it’s a time of significant stress, especially during the ongoing pandemic. For lots of people, depression and anxiety spike around the holidays. Retail, service, delivery, and health care workers often find themselves bombarded with an increased workload and unfair labor practices, not to mention the eighteenth rendition of “Jingle Bells” piped through the PA system. Many holiday festivities prominently feature alcohol, which can heighten people’s anxiety, and be especially trying and triggering for those affected by alcohol use disorder. The joy of gift-giving can be warped into an obligation to spend beyond your means, lest you disappoint your loved ones. What’s more, the expectation of familial togetherness associated with the holidays is everywhere, from social media to advertisements, and frankly, the pressure can be exhausting. It can sting for those unable to gather with their families, whether it’s due to the loss of a loved one, a family member’s incarceration, loved ones’ refusal to practice COVID-19 precautions, or familial alienation like that experienced by many queer people and survivors of abuse. It can also be painful for those who do gather with their families, only to find themselves in a situation that isn’t so much enjoyed as endured.

If you’re experiencing “secondary emotions,” accepting them isn’t necessarily the best move, either. As Dr. Hu explains, “Primary emotions are the basic, natural emotions we all experience in response to various situations we encounter in life—happiness, sadness, surprise, disgust, fear, and anger—and secondary emotions come from us interpreting life in a negative way.” If your car gets broken into, for example, it’s totally normal to feel fear or anger and accepting those emotions might help you “clear mental bandwidth” so you can do what you need to do, such as filing a police report, Dr. Hu says. However, if you start feeling guilty and blaming yourself for the break-in (You shouldn’t have parked there, you idiot!), self-compassion might serve you better than doing nothing about the feeling (Sometimes bad things just happen, and I can’t control that. It doesn’t mean I’m stupid).  How can you start practicing emotional acceptance?Practicing emotional acceptance isn’t a substitute for treating a mental health condition. But it is a common therapy tool—it’s a core part of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and mindfulness-based therapy, for example. And it has helped me feel a little bit better when dealing with everything from high anxiety to simmering rage to general unease. If you, too, struggle with uncomfortable feelings (of course you do, because you’re a human being) and want to experiment with accepting them, these are Dr. Hu’s best tips for getting started:Think of your unwanted feelings as background noise.“This metaphor can be really helpful with emotional acceptance, especially when you’re just starting out,” Dr. Hu says. “Try imagining your feelings like they’re playing on a radio station in the background. You can’t turn the radio off, but maybe you can let it just play softly in the distance while you focus on what you want to do.” This may sound easier said than done—especially if your tough emotions are metaphorically blasting at full volume—but thinking of your feelings as background noise can help you learn how to sit with them, she says: They’re there and you can’t change them, but in accepting that, you may find some distance and peace.Take a little time every day to observe uncomfortable feelings.Even on a good day, chances are you’ll experience some emotional discomfort—again, you’re human—and seeing what it feels like to accept that unease can help you train your acceptance muscle. When you notice that you’re feeling a bit irritated, frustrated, or sad throughout your day, “Take a breath, notice how you feel, and then let that feeling be—don’t try to make it go away, don’t try to distract yourself or force it to change into another feeling,” Dr. Hu says. “You’ll learn, over time, that while these feelings may seem scary at first, we are capable of tolerating them. We just have to give ourselves the opportunity to practice doing so.”Recognize that no feeling lasts forever. “The physiological changes in the body that happen when we experience a particular negative emotion don’t last very long—only for about 90 seconds,” Dr. Hu says. “Anything that persists means, subconsciously or not, we’re likely feeding the uncomfortable feeling ourselves by ruminating or fueling it with those negative secondary emotions.” That’s why it can be helpful to “remind yourself that you can do anything for 90 seconds, including sitting with an uncomfortable feeling,” she says. The 90-second rule isn’t a hard-and-fast one, but even if your negative emotion lasts longer than that, she says, it won’t last forever—and this mindset can make it easier to accept. I haven’t perfected this practice yet—not even close—but I have found that acknowledging and accepting my feelings can sometimes take the emotional edge off, which is a big deal in my world. “This, too, shall pass” is a cliché for a reason, and you may discover that whatever tough feelings you’re dealing with pass all the more quickly if you choose not to push them away. Related:

For most people, the best parts of the holidays are some combination of family traditions, gift-giving, travel plans, decorating, and feasting on delicious food and drinks. That sounds nice, right? And it is! But, as you might know firsthand from past Decembers, these are also all the things that can make the holiday season inordinately hectic and emotionally taxing. Survey after survey has found that the stretch between Thanksgiving and New Year’s is the most stressful time of year, largely because of the financial strain, social pressure, and endless to-dos we’re faced with. The holidays can also be a painful, isolating reminder of the people we’ve lost or grown apart from. And if you’re traveling home to see friends and family, you might feel like you’re thrown back into a role that you’ve moved on from. Finally, the robust eating, drinking, and not sleeping that often comes with celebrating can throw off our routines and make it difficult to cope with all the hoopla. So: The holidays can be intense. It’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed this time of year. It’s the season of cheer and togetherness, but also of grief, trauma, and stress, Catherine Mogil, PsyD, a psychologist and associate clinical professor at UCLA’s Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, tells SELF. Below, she and other experts share five ways to take care of your mental health during the holidays.1. Leave perfectionism behind.It’s easy to get wrapped up in the idea of the perfect holiday celebration, whether you’re banking on all of your travels going according to plan, stressing over what present to get Grandma, or trying to mix up family-size quantities of your famous spiked eggnog. But an idealized approach can set you up for disappointment. You don’t need to buy everyone the best or most expensive gift, decorate every last inch of your house, or bake an Instagram-bait pumpkin pie. Things can and will go wrong, and that’s to be expected. That’s the nature of being busy, no matter how seasoned a holiday host you may be: Having more plans inherently means there are more opportunities for things to go wrong. Instead of being quick to judge your shortcomings, be kind and gentle with yourself so you can enjoy things as they are.Accept that whatever it is that you’re doing is enough. A bit of self-compassion can go a long way, making us more resilient in times of stress and more optimistic about perceived failures. “Give yourself the grace to not have everything be perfect,” Dr. Mogil says. By embracing imperfection, you’ll focus way less on what goes wrong and more on the positives—like how incredible it is to finally be reunited with friends and family again even though your flight got delayed, or, perhaps, how ridiculously fun it was to try and bake a loaf of cornbread with your cousin, even if it tasted like dirt.  2. Stick with some of your routines.Humans thrive off of routines. Consistent, healthy habits—like regularly eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep—combat stress, improve our mental health, and make our lives feel more meaningful, research suggests. During the holidays, when you’re eating and drinking more than you usually do, it’s easy to fall off track, which can throw off your biological clock (a.k.a. sleep-wake cycle), and all sorts of other vital body functions. “There are lots of things about our normal schedules that we’ve all gotten ourselves into that are very stabilizing for our stress levels,” Dr. Mogil says.

Paula Zimbrean, MD, a psychiatrist and associate professor at the Yale School of Medicine, tells SELF that there are a handful of other factors that can influence hangxiety. These include how well your body metabolizes alcohol, if any other mood-altering substances or medications are in your bloodstream, how much and how quickly you drank (the faster you drink, the quicker your blood alcohol levels rises, and the more active your GABA receptors get), and how well you slept afterward (which, if you’re like me after I drink, probably wasn’t all that great).12People with underlying mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety disorders, are more likely to experience anxiety after drinking, Dr. Schacht adds.13 “These issues can essentially shift your brain’s ‘set point’ and make it easier for alcohol to ‘tip’ the brain into anxiety,” he explains.How to prevent and cope with post-drinking anxietyPay attention to your alcohol habits.According to Dr. Schacht, the single best thing you can do is monitor how much alcohol you’re drinking. “The more you drink, the more your brain reacts to the dose of alcohol it is receiving,” he says—so having a cocktail or two is way less likely to cause anxiety the next day than, say, five or six vodka sodas. Big note: If you’re dealing with an alcohol use disorder, stopping at one or two drinks may feel impossible. If you think you might have a drinking problem and you’re interested in seeking help, here’s SELF’s guide to substance use disorder treatment.)Identify your motivation for drinking.Dr. Schacht recommends checking in with yourself about why you’re drinking. Is it because you’re genuinely enjoying time with your friends or family, or are you trying to relieve taxing feelings you’ve been dealing with? Many people reach for alcohol when they’re stressed out, he says, but this can actually exacerbate their issues and trap them in a vicious cycle (e.g., you’re feeling stressed, you pour yourself a drink, and though it may provide temporary relief, it makes you even worse the next day, and then you want to want to drink even more).14 If you want to drink to lower your stress levels, do another activity that might make you feel better in the moment and the next day, Dr. Schacht says. Have a sober hang with friends, go on a hike or walk, read a book, or host a movie or Netflix night. Rely on mindfulness tools.If you’re in the depths of hangxiety and need fast relief, Dr. Greenfield recommends working through it with meditation, grounding activities, calming yoga poses or stretches, or deep breathing exercises. “A lot of the uncomfortable emotions we have, when we try to push them away or avoid them, they just get worse,” Dr. Greenfield says. When you turn toward your feelings, they often become less unpleasant.Tend to your physical symptoms.Treating the physical effects of drinking can help with the mental ones, too, according to Dr. Schacht. Drink water, eat a nourishing meal, take a cat nap, and try to get a good night’s sleep the following evening. All of these self-care strategies can help your body (and mood) recover from a hangover faster, says Dr. Schacht. Because exercise can boost and normalize neurotransmitter activity in the brain, including hangxiety perpetrator GABA, Dr. Schacht also recommends squeezing in some physical activity (maybe a brisk walk or a 10-minute workout)—if your hangover can handle it.15Know that your hangxiety will pass.Sometimes, no matter what I do, the only thing that abates my post-drinking anxiety is waiting it out. At the very least, I find comfort in remembering that my shaky-emotional-ground feeling, no matter how intense, will dissipate soon enough. Anxiety tends to build and peak then crash back down like a wave. As Dr. Greenfield puts it, “Time is on your side.” Just breathe, take care of yourself, and remember that hangxiety isn’t forever.

If you feel like your stress has been next-level lately, you might find a tiny bit of comfort in the fact that you’re definitely not alone. According to the American Psychological Association’s 2022 Stress in America report, concerns about money and global uncertainty, to name two huge factors, have spiked personal stress to sky-high levels in the US.Part of the reason we’re all so unnerved: 87% of respondents agreed that “it feels like there’s been a constant stream of crises over the last two years” (understatement) and 73% reported that they feel “overwhelmed by the number of crises facing the world right now.” And on top of an ongoing global pandemic, ever-upsetting news cycles, and rising gas and grocery costs, many of us are also still dealing with common daily-life stressors like family, career, and relationship drama. There’s no quick-fix way to make stress disappear, of course. (And if it’s a chronic issue that’s preventing you from living a fulfilling life, talking to a professional may be the best way to relieve some of the pressure and improve your well-being—more on that later.) But there are expert-backed stress-relief activities you can experiment with when you’re feeling overwhelmed.By drawing from research on psychology practices including cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and meditation, you might be able to build a kit of coping tools that work for you when life becomes too much. Below, two licensed therapists share their favorite strategies for getting short-term relief from stress and anxiety. What is stress, exactly? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, stress is your body’s reaction to something that’s happening to you or around you. An important presentation at work, a hectic and noisy commute, or even a date with someone you’re excited to meet can all put your body on notice that something big is happening, which can activate your fight-or-flight stress response.1 A stressor can be a one-time thing (like an upcoming exam or turbulent flight) or a long-term occurrence (in the case of a chronic health condition, for example, or an overwhelming job).Stress is a bit different than anxiety, though, which many of us are also familiar with. When you’re stressed out, your physical symptoms will usually naturally resolve once the stressor goes away. Anxiety, on the other hand, which is your body’s internal reaction to stress, might not dissipate so quickly. Even when there isn’t an immediate physical or emotional threat, anxiety is a psychological state that tends to linger. Some physical symptoms of both stress and anxiety include:An elevated heart rate Increased blood pressureHeadacheRestlessness or insomniaRacing thoughts or worry No matter how your stress manifests, if it starts to feel overwhelming and you’re looking for relief, consider trying some of these expert-backed stress-reduction strategies for relaxing your mind and body:Stress-relief activities that actually workCount down to get grounded.When your internal pressure is high, tuning into your external environment is one stress-relieving practice that might help you feel a bit more chill. Rhayvan Jackson-Terrell, LCSW, wellness director at NYC Health and Hospitals and a telehealth therapist, tells SELF that she often recommends the “5-4-3-2-1 method” to her clients as a mindfulness activity designed to get you out of your head and into the present moment. 

Not only can these emotional eruptions be harmful to yourself and others, but they likely mean you’re struggling with managing an underlying problem. Maybe you feel unnerved about your overwhelming job or your dysfunctional relationship, or maybe you’re struggling with disordered eating. It’s worth exploring how early experiences with trauma might be contributing to your anger issues too, Dr. Fedrick says. For example, if you grew up in an unstable or abusive household, you might have learned to adapt by being overly accommodating or leaving the room instead of expressing your feelings. “When there is unprocessed trauma, you might carry these beliefs (like ‘people are not safe’ or ‘I can’t trust anyone’) into adulthood,” Dr. Fedrick explains.If you’re regularly bottling up your feelings or forcing yourself to smile when you’re struggling, you may end up flipping out over seemingly unrelated things as a result, Dr. Robbins says. A therapist can help you unpack and address the roots of your rage, and they can teach you how to express your emotions in a healthier, less volcano-esque way.5. You’re showing other signs of depression.Along with more well-known symptoms like sleeping too much or too little, having difficulty concentrating, and feeling sad or hopeless, irritability and anger are also signs of clinical depression. Remember, anger doesn’t have to look like yelling or breaking things to disrupt your quality of life. If you’re experiencing any of the depression symptoms above and you also notice that you’re easily irritated over the smallest annoyances or mistakes, or that maybe you’re fixating on past failures and getting fired up as a result, talking to a professional might help, Dr. Fedrick says.As with anxiety, depression is something your primary care doctor can screen you for and discuss treatment options, including therapy or prescription antidepressant medications, to relieve your symptoms. If your anger is, indeed, depression-related, a therapist can help you identify any contributing life circumstances and develop new strategies to cope, says Dr. Robbins.6. Your personal relationships are suffering.Arguments are bound to happen in any relationship—and no one likes to be told to calm down— but if your partner, say, frequently leaves the room to escape your wrath or tells you that your rage scares them, your anger is likely masking a deeper problem, Dr. Robbins says. And if your loved ones often seem blindsided when you snap at them, that’s another red flag: a sign of misplaced anger, which can erode your bond over time. If, for example, you’re stressed about your boss cutting back on hours at work, you might take it out on your mom by speaking to her in a harsh tone or saying things you’ll later regret, Dr. Robbins says.Therapy can provide a neutral and supportive space to help you figure out what’s really triggering your anger and learn alternative behaviors that’ll promote intimacy versus making you feel further apart from the people you care about. For example, a therapist can help you learn to pause and gather your thoughts before responding, encourage you to use “I” statements (“I feel frustrated when you cancel our plans to hang out with your friends”), or suggest that you practice being more vulnerable (“I’m worried about money or losing my job”) or assertive (“I need you to call when you’re going to be late”) in the moment, instead of bottling up your feelings, Dr. Robbins explains.How to find help for coping with angerDeciding you’d like to talk to someone to help you unpack and manage your anger is one thing, but if you’re new to therapy or don’t currently have a therapist you love, finding that person might feel overwhelming. Luckily, there are quite a few resources that can make the process less intimidating.